Yesterday I saw a movie called "The Odd Life of Timothy Green". It is about a childless couple who have been told that they are unable to conceive. Devastated by this news, they write, on small sheets of paper, the qualities they would like their child (if they could have one) to have, put the papers in a box and bury the box in their garden. That night after a storm (that hits only their garden!) they discover that a boy has 'come to them' as their son. Strangely, he has leaves on his legs that cannot be removed. He demonstrates through the course of the film all those qualities that they had written on the pieces of paper. But unknown to them, each time he demonstrates a quality, a leaf on his leg dries up and falls off. When all the leaves fall off, he disappears, just as strangely as he appeared.
While the concept of the story is, well, odd... it got me thinking. When we become parents we all have visions of what qualities our child might possess. That the child is born with a personality of its own is a fact we all choose to forget most of the time.
What we also forget is that the child is an individual and therefore possesses likes and dislikes, opinions, and even an attitude. As parents we are so anxious to 'control' the child and make him or her walk on a path of our choosing that we forget to give him or her the space they need to grow and develop into a full rounded adult.
When my friends and I discuss our kids we all agree that our lives were so very different ('deprived' is how we put it)...there were no gadgets or even so many books to distract us, neither did we have so many opportunities to explore and find our real; talents...we are all products of our parents' ideas, whims and fancies. I am not really complaining...under the circumstances of those times they did the best they could.
I read about parents micro-managing their children's lives...read reports in newspapers and magazines about mothers and fathers who dictate their children's tastes, education and career choices, and I feel sorry for the child who has to squelch his or her ideas and dreams and fall in with their parents' wishes.
I think we all agree that we want what is best for our child. It is the manner in which we set out to achieve it that makes the difference between a successful child and child who is successful and happy. Spending time with your children, talking to them, and understanding their fears, their desires, and their opinions makes you more accessible to them when they have a genuine problem. If you go with one of their ideas, it doesn't make you any less a parent, but your child feels a certain confidence in approaching you and talking things out with you...and vice versa.
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While the concept of the story is, well, odd... it got me thinking. When we become parents we all have visions of what qualities our child might possess. That the child is born with a personality of its own is a fact we all choose to forget most of the time.
What we also forget is that the child is an individual and therefore possesses likes and dislikes, opinions, and even an attitude. As parents we are so anxious to 'control' the child and make him or her walk on a path of our choosing that we forget to give him or her the space they need to grow and develop into a full rounded adult.
When my friends and I discuss our kids we all agree that our lives were so very different ('deprived' is how we put it)...there were no gadgets or even so many books to distract us, neither did we have so many opportunities to explore and find our real; talents...we are all products of our parents' ideas, whims and fancies. I am not really complaining...under the circumstances of those times they did the best they could.
I read about parents micro-managing their children's lives...read reports in newspapers and magazines about mothers and fathers who dictate their children's tastes, education and career choices, and I feel sorry for the child who has to squelch his or her ideas and dreams and fall in with their parents' wishes.
I think we all agree that we want what is best for our child. It is the manner in which we set out to achieve it that makes the difference between a successful child and child who is successful and happy. Spending time with your children, talking to them, and understanding their fears, their desires, and their opinions makes you more accessible to them when they have a genuine problem. If you go with one of their ideas, it doesn't make you any less a parent, but your child feels a certain confidence in approaching you and talking things out with you...and vice versa.
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Dear Reluctant Writer, Time for your to shed the cloak. Loved the article, I had watched the movie too and was intrigued and touched..Good one about parenting.
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